1. Review the incident needing understanding in as much detail as possible, as if you were watching a video in slow motion, paying particularly close attention to what you were thinking and feeling, especially immediately before the moment you felt the upset.2. Replay in your mind the few moments immediately before the upset, this time in very slow motion, paying even closer attention to what you were feeling.
3. When you get to the exact moment where the upset happened, freeze the frame at precisely that point. Keeping your awareness focused directly on this moment, allow yourself to be totally open and vulnerable (what I call “taking the hit”) and see what that touches in your consciousness.
4. At this point, you may use any of the previously learned tools that feel appropriate to take you as deeply as possible into the source of your discomfort.
For use in relationship: In any conflict, both individuals are 100 percent responsible for the creation of the problem. Freeze Frame creates the possibility for two (or more) people to look together—from the same side—at an incident that caused a painful rift in the relationship. Both can then take full responsibility for creating the problem and each can see how and why he or she created the issue to begin with. This ends the blaming and the “who’s right, who’s wrong” dance. For Freeze Frame to be effective, both parties need to be committed to discovering the truth in themselves, as opposed to defending a position.
1. Partner A relates the incident needing healing to Partner B in
as much detail as possible, paying particularly close attention to what A was thinking and feeling, especially immediately before the moment A felt hurt by B.2. Partner A replays the few moments immediately before the hurt, this time in very slow motion, paying even closer attention to what A was feeling.
3. When Partner A gets to the exact moment where the hurt happened, A freezes the frame at precisely the point where the blow was dealt. A does not move A’s awareness away from this moment in time, but instead drops his or her defenses, stays totally open, takes the hit, and sees what it touches in A’s consciousness.
4. That pain, if allowed, will eventually take Partner A back to an earlier (usually much earlier) pain that needs healing. A will see how he or she co-created the pain so that A can open the door to heal the old wound. (Have you ever noticed how we recreate the same pain over and over in our lives until we finally stop running away from the pain and see what it’s trying to tell us?)
5. Once partner A has seen into the source of his or her pain, he or she can look at Partner B in precisely the same “freeze the frame” moment and see and feel where B was coming from. In this place of open awareness, the heart contains only compassion, understanding and forgiveness.
6. Partners A and B reverse roles and repeat the process.
(Please note: For more relationship tools, see the "Do It Yourself" section of the Heartwork Institute website, www.awakentheheart.org.)